Pious or Present? Food, Religion, and the Promise of Saturday Morning

My subconscious left me a message when I was sleeping. It was right there on the doormat of my consciousness. I lay there in the dark, wondering what time it was, and a phrase kept echoing in my head: pious or present?

I had been lying there thinking about the Biggest Loser competition at work, and how I lost 13 pounds and gained 2 back. And about how, at work, we Biggest Losers talk about food as if it were a religion. There are the confessions (Bless me, for I ate pizza last night. It has been 3 slices since my last confession) and there are the prayers for the nearly impossible (Before I step on the scale, please let my 2 short walks somehow cancel out my 3 lengthy buffet dinners). And there are plenty of carnal sins: raspberry cheesecake, non-diet soda, deep-fried anything.

So I was thinking about the religiosity of it all, and how I often conjugate my goodness in terms of food: I was good, I want to be good, I am being good. And then real faith (not food religion) came into my head (that’s what happens when you read Annie Lamott before bed). I thought, I don’t want to be pious like that, about food or religion or anything. I want to be here, now, aware of what I am doing and at peace, not labeling myself or anyone else as below par or above par or at par (sorry to throw in the golf analogy).

I had to look up pious in the dictionary, to see if the negative vibe I feel from the word is all in my head. It turned out the definition I had in mind was the third one down in Webster’s: practiced in the name of religion. To me this connotes jaded, going by rote, yawning behind the hymnal. If I’m going to participate in a religion, I don’t want to be practiced. I want to be surprised and renewed at every turn, which is really just calling God on his promise, Behold, I make all things new. (I love quoting God back to him. I’ve got it all in writing.)

My mother’s blood runs in my veins, and I am church shopping as she did over time. Her shopping was slow-paced: she tried Methodist for a while, Christian Science for a while, Lutheran for a while. She has stopped shopping and has been a faithful Catholic for many years. My search is like speed dating: let me visit this church and make a decision, fast. Not one has made it past 3 dates recently.

I have ruled out, just by Web surfing, some churches that sound too hierarchical, too chock-full of missionary zeal. And I realize I may be doing what I tell Tom not to do: I may be throwing the baby out with the bathwater. If I evaluated men the way I evaluate churches, I never would have met anyone, let alone married. There would always have been a flaw that kept me away.

Of course, the word present, which I infinitely prefer over pious, has many meanings. There’s the gift part, and there’s the being there part, in the sense of being mindful and in the moment. The part of being present I seem to struggle with is the showing up part, especially for church. I have to work on that (as soon as I figure out where to show up!)

So much philosophizing so early on a Saturday! Writing, as usual, was a good sorting out for me, and a great way to start the day. In fact, it made all things seem new. Aha! God snuck in there when I wasn’t looking.